*Yanagi Kotaro*

Yesterday, I found a very shocking news (for me). I was searching some j-dramas to watch since im quite free recently. When came to a drama, 'Tadashii Ouji no Tsukurikata' (because got my favourite actor in, but he is just a supporting actor in this drama), I found out that, the main actor is Yanagi Kotaro. Therefore, I went to search some information about him.

While searching, I found a very shocking news about him. At first, I saw someone commented at his another drama, 'Puzzle'. That person commented, 'What you probably need to know before watching is that main character's actor Yanagi Koutarou had an accident a few years ago which caused him not being able to speak normally anymore. ......' I was 'Huh ?' at first. Weird though, but still I continue to search.

Through wikipedia, I found out that, its real. He had an accident when he was just 17 years old.

"After leaving a rehearsal for Remarkable 1st Match: Fudomine, less than two weeks before it was due to open, Yanagi was hit by a car. He had extensive damage to his body and vocal cords and was in a coma for two weeks. Doctors predicted he would be bedridden for the rest of his life. After waking up, Yanagi weighed around 30 kg and was unable to get up at all.

However, Yanagi was able to make a miraculous recovery and is currently strong enough to act again, although he has difficulty with his dancing and singing. His recovery time prevented him from playing in Remarkable 1st and the next two Prince of Tennis musicals. ....... (read from wikipedia if want to know more about him)

As a result of the accident, Yanagi now walks with a permanent limp, his voice is forever changed, and his speech pattern is slightly slurred. Despite this, Yanagi continues to act and sing."

(from wikipedia)

For me, not enough ! I want to know more about him ! Therefore, I went to youtube and search for his videos. I watched some videos based on this story after he had an accident. Oh no... I almost cry ! He is cute and handsome, but due to the accident.... I seriously wanted to cry but I didnt because I just cant cry in front of my family members. It hurts me enough. T.T

I know, its too late for me to notice this news. He is 25 years old now, going to be 26 years old this year. And im seriously glad that he is doing well. I know that, Yanagi Kotaro will never read this, but "I seriously hope that you will do well in future no matter what happens. Yes, you might say that I dont understand the feeling being a situation like you, but I want you to know that, there are a lot of fans still cheering for you, including me ! Ganbatte ne~~~"

;-)

19th of March

Ah well, there is nothing much happen recently. My daily life is like a machine, doing the same things as always. Though its quite bored, but I prefer it like this. ^^'' Well, im a bored girl anyway, should i call myself as otaku ? haha...

Recently, I just finished watching a japanese drama, 'Sunao ni Narenakute'. Hmmm... For me, its quite a nice drama, but some incidents do not make sense though. ^^'' This drama talks about the blossoming friendship of five young people who were brought together by Twitter, and their journey to finding honesty with each other and with themselves.

At first, I think it does not make sense because to have five young people, from strangers to become best friends through Twitter its impossible. But somehow, through the drama, I found that, some things are true in real life. Hmmm... Will I have friends like them ? Who really trust each other ? Who will share things together no matter whether it is happiness or sadness ?

Anyway, try to watch it. Its a fine drama. ;-) And now, im watching a very very cute and funny drama, Moyashimon. Its about a college student who can see and communicate with the germs or bacterias all around him. I enjoy it very much because of those cute germs... XD

Fall for him ? Questionable

Looks like I got dumbed before I get the chance to confess ? hahaha... Who knows... But, the truth is, whether im in love with him or not, i, myself also not sure. haha... seriously, I dont know, my feeling towards him is full of ???. haha...

First of all, whether im in love with him is questionable. I dont know my like towards him is really like him or like him as a friend. However, he got a girlfriend already. But still, he is kind to everyone, not only me you know, EVERYONE, but except few because he does not like them. ^^" He does not look very handsome or what, just an ordinary guy. But just dont know why I fall for him ? hahaha.... Questionable.

This is the first time we chatted for so long. Normally, our conversation will take only 10 minutes then finish. Today, is a little bit special. And he shared something secret with me, but im not sure whether his girlfriend knows or not. ( NO, I cant be the third person ! ) I cant tell the content is about what because... its a secret ! Even if I confess to him, he will just hate it ( because he told me before ) since he got his girlfriend now.

Both of them quite match together, for me. His girlfriend quite independent, to him as well. As for me ? Im so clumsy, blur and cant independent and so on, cant match with him one. He will feel irritated if im with him, seriously. Sigh... This is the big difference between us. Im glad we still can at least be friends. I dont dare to tell him that I like him. Seriously, did I say like him ? I said im confused about this feeling right ? Hmmm.... Why I keep on saying I like him ? hahaha... Questionable.

Specially For You, My 'Used to' Trusted Friend

To one of my friends,

You know what, im getting tired to be with you. You used to be my trusted friend. I met you during xxx. We used to have fun together, I was happy when you were beside me. However, recently, I feel that, even though you were just right beside me yet I felt unsafe, the feeling of left behind. I feel that, one day, you will leave me, even forget or dont care about me anymore.

What you and others talked about, I was ?.? full of question marks. I know, this is your problem with them which I should not know about it. I respect you, thats why I didnt ask. But then, did you care about my feelings ? I was sitting there silently, just listening what you guys talked about even though I dont understand at all.

Plus, I feel that you dont trust me at all, you dont rely on me, like one-sided. You told me that you got problem which wanted to share with me, but then when I asked you the next time we met, you refused to tell. Okay, maybe you got your reason why, therefore I didnt ask again. But then, it happened every time. It makes me feel lose hope on you seriously, thats why I didnt ask you anymore. I will just pretend you didnt tell me at all. But somehow, it makes me sad though, you refused to share with me.

However, it seems like I can put it an end to this friendship which makes me feel tired. Now, whenever I go out with you, it seems like I dont really feel sad about it anymore, just like normal friends going out together. Dont blame me, because you are the one who made me lost trust in you. And thanks for everything you have done for me.

*I know she cant read it but still, I cant hold it anymore. Therefore I typed it here.*

Dreams ( Nightmares ) ?

Hmmm.... I got two dreams ( or nightmares ? ). I never dreamt this kind of dreams ( nightmares ) before. It was quite weird for me to dream that. Until now, I also cant believe that. O.O

First, I dreamt that one of my closest friends got a boyfriend. From that day onwards, she started to ignore me. But sometimes, she still searches for me, chats with me, hang out together still. However, when comes to her boyfriend, she will just ignore me. T.T I still remember, got one scene is that, we were in a restaurant, having meal together, just the three of us. Obviously, she kept on chatting with her boyfriend, I was sitting there, looking at them chatting lovely-dovey... T.T

Second dream is almost the same, but a little bit different. What I can remember is that, I cant trust her anymore, I lose trust on her. I kept on telling her my stuff, then she went to spread to others. I was shock when I learnt this and cried for few days. And I felt weird, why im the one who keep on telling her, but she didnt tell me her stuff ? What makes me laugh is the ending of this dream is we met each other in court ! What ?! Court ?! haha...

Its funny huh... But I seriously hope that, that will not happen to me. If yes, I think I cant handle it and cant accept the facts... I think I will be in somewhere else ? haha... Who knows...

The 'Treatment' From Them

Ah... I'm exhausted... Everyday, I have to watch those kind of 'dramas' which I dont like to watch. I'm seriously exhausted. I want to remove them from my friend list, but it seems I cant do it, because I'm still take them as my friends. However, not as close as last time anymore, because I found out their true intentions and I feel disappointed with their attitudes. We used to hang to have a drink at night, hanging out together, watched movie, singing and so on. Now, there is a gap between me and them, they created it, not me.

There is a so called 'friend' of mine, named C (This is another C, not the previous one). She used to ask me to accompany her to do this and that. Since she WAS my friend, so I helped her, accompanied her and so on. After our Form 5 graduation, we still hanged out together to have a drink and so on, as I said above.

However, recently, I found out that, there are lot of secrets I dont know. And even she wanted to have a gathering, I was not included. There are many gatherings that I dont know, totally zero. She purposely did that, because I'm not her friend anymore ? Like one day, I went to HER BEST FRIEND's room. They was chatting with each other through MSN messenger. I didnt mean to look at their conversation, I accidentally read their conversation, only few sentences.

(It is not exactly the same with their conversation, but this is what the meaning is...)

C : wanna come out to have a gathering ?

C2 : okay, no problem... oh yeah, want to call XXX (Thats me) or not ?

C : better dont la, because I want to talk about him...

It happened twice, not once. Even though C didnt want me to join, C2 insisted me to go. But at the end, I didnt go, and dont ask me why. That time, I was like O.O plus hurt... Am I not your friend anymore ? Am I not reliable ? Do I look like a person who will simply go and spread out the secrets ? Is that love more important that friends ? Am I a tool for you to release your lonelyness ? Some more, C2 brought her another BEST FRIEND to the gathering. It is so damn childish should I say ? Or what ?

Some more, they only so called CARE about their another friend, R. Just like last Saturday, they went to KL without inviting me. Yes, C2 TOLD me about that, but didnt INVITE me to go. So, I was joking and asked her, "Why didnt ask me de ?" Guess whats her reply ? She replied with "You want to come also can, but you are the fifth one, have to find another partner." (Because they went there by bus) What the.... ? Is this the way for you to INVITE your friend ? Just because I'm the fifth, I cant join you guys ? Who proof this can be an excuse ? I felt funny and I seriously laughed at them, plus a little hurt.

And now, C is planning to have another gathering again, without me. She asked them through facebook, only three of them. C posted at C2's wall said by tagging R that "R, v go watch movie lo.. long time no c u adi.. miss u le.. come out la.. hey C2 i feel lik wanna go sing k.. wanna go ?" Oh, okay... I'm an invisible person to you guys... This time the gathering, without me again, very good... This is how they treat their friend after using their friend.

I didnt mean to say this out, but they seriously hurt me enough, not once, but many times, uncountable. So, I release my tension that got from them here. >.<> I guess once you guys read this, you guys will hate me even more or talk bad about me even more...

The Pain

Life is full of obstacles, but we need them in our life. So that we will grow up, be mature, be strong and so on. Human being are so damn obvious, also can say that they are cruel and terrible creatures. Why I said so ? Because I experienced, or I should say im experiencing it...

I wrote before, I used to be very happy about my life, liked to joke around, talked crap, laughed like crazy, I really enjoyed it. But now, I feel my life is suck, damn suck. I feel miserable, I dont know what should I do. Inside of my heart, is full of darkness. There is no light inside, totally in dark.

Even though how hard I tried, it still the same. I tried to mix with them, joined them, but at the end, I felt that I have been isolated. Whenever I talked, no one will replied until I said it again. They will talk to me when they need me, or they want to use me, they will ask me. Besides that, they are like wearing a mask, they will talk to you even though they dont like you. They say 'love you' or 'miss you' with their mouths to you, but inside their hearts, they are cursing you. Thats why I said, human being are cruel and terrible creatures.

They say 'love you, miss you', and so on easily to others. I know, girls are like that. But did they ever think about it ? We actually cant simply use those kind of 'words', because those 'words' are meaningful and important. For an example, she was my closest friend, named O. We used to say those kind of 'words'. We also... Ahh... Im lazy to talk about it...

What my moral lecturer said is right, we have to choose the right friends, not to choose the wrong friends. But where to search for the 'right friends' ? The 'right friends' are distinguishing in this world, becoming lesser and lesser... If you want to have a friendship just like, 'Tomoyo and Sakura' in Cardcaptor Sakura, sorry, its hard to find nowadays.

I feel tired, damn tired and suffer. I just want to leave that place, full of sadness, no happiness. Now I understand why they want to commit suicide, I thought before because its hard for someone that is very noisy suddenly become a quiet person and lonely... But I cant do that...

Seriously, I need someone that understand my feeling to chat with me. Or should I just search for a doctor ? I feel that its meaningless for me to stay in this world... Im seriously, really really in pain... My heart is going to burst...