Bad Time

My damn final exam is finally over. Other people are happy over their final, is eventually finished. However, as for me, I dont feel the same thing. Even though the final is over, I dont feel happy at all, but I feel very sad and demotivated. You will ask, 'Why not ? Be glad that final is over, and you are free now, should be happy what ?' and blah. Well, I just dont get to be happy, that is all.

This is the first time, I feel so damn ... This semester is the worst, worse than the first semester in foundation. Those classmates are so freaking close-minded. I just dont understand them, when I smiled with them, they just ignored me. They know I'm their classmate, but still didnt want to smile. They dont want to say 'Hi', is okay, however, they didnt even want to smile with me too. I wonder, is the SMILE will cost them 100 bucks ? Or more than that amount ? This is so stupid and lame, they are so unfriendly at all.

Well, come back to the final exam. My coursework marks are not good. Well, the coursework marks for both of the subjects are over half, however, I still need to score high marks in final exam. Unfortunately, both of the papers, I did them so badly, especially English subject. I seriously didnt have enough time to finish. I never did so badly before, this is the first time. I like english, I mean it. But... At first, since my coursework mark is not that good, so I aimed to get at least a B. But now, passing this subject also got problem.

However, I seriously hope I can at least pass both subjects, therefore, I dont need to retake any subject. Please God, please let me pass, I dont want to waste my parents' money ! >.<

Will You ?

When I ask,

Will you answer me that ? Without any hesitations.

Missing Those Days

Everyday, before our first class starts, you used to wait for me at the front gate of my block, or I would wait for you. Sometimes you even over slept, and I would give you a call or message you to wake you up. We used to walk to classes together. In class, you used to sit next to me. We used to joke around, laughing around like a crazy couple even we were in the middle of the class, until the lecturers thought that we were a-pair-of-chopsticks-couple. We used to make so much noise in the class until the lecturers couldnt stand it and asked us to be quiet.

Sometimes, we even took some stupid and crazy photos together. Whenever I took out my cellphone to capture photos with others, you automatically would join us and started to pose some crazy and funny poses. We even used to eat meals together, breakfast, lunch and dinner, sometimes even supper. When test or exam was around the corner, we used to study together at the common room. During that time, we even went out and bought some coffee cans to drink to keep us awake.

I still remember, there was once we went out together to have a small gathering with some other friends. That was the first time and the last time we went out 'yam cha'. We talked and laughed together with others. I seriously enjoyed that time, and I seriously felt happy and I seriously laughed. I cant describe it out how I felt that time, it was fun and enjoyable even though there were few of us only. Im glad I went there, with you guys.

Well, it was 9 months ago, we used to do that. After I left you, it seems that you are more happy than im with you. Maybe, im not the truth friend you want ? Or im being too sensitive about it ? Even until now, im still thinking about it, why. Im the one who started it, and im also the one who ended it. Haha... Im a stupid right ? Well, I admit that. Until now I still dont dare to take a look at those photos we took together. I think, I will cry if I take a look. Haha... Im a coward right ? Yeah, I admit it too. However, im glad that you have them as your friends but not me.

*Yanagi Kotaro*

Yesterday, I found a very shocking news (for me). I was searching some j-dramas to watch since im quite free recently. When came to a drama, 'Tadashii Ouji no Tsukurikata' (because got my favourite actor in, but he is just a supporting actor in this drama), I found out that, the main actor is Yanagi Kotaro. Therefore, I went to search some information about him.

While searching, I found a very shocking news about him. At first, I saw someone commented at his another drama, 'Puzzle'. That person commented, 'What you probably need to know before watching is that main character's actor Yanagi Koutarou had an accident a few years ago which caused him not being able to speak normally anymore. ......' I was 'Huh ?' at first. Weird though, but still I continue to search.

Through wikipedia, I found out that, its real. He had an accident when he was just 17 years old.

"After leaving a rehearsal for Remarkable 1st Match: Fudomine, less than two weeks before it was due to open, Yanagi was hit by a car. He had extensive damage to his body and vocal cords and was in a coma for two weeks. Doctors predicted he would be bedridden for the rest of his life. After waking up, Yanagi weighed around 30 kg and was unable to get up at all.

However, Yanagi was able to make a miraculous recovery and is currently strong enough to act again, although he has difficulty with his dancing and singing. His recovery time prevented him from playing in Remarkable 1st and the next two Prince of Tennis musicals. ....... (read from wikipedia if want to know more about him)

As a result of the accident, Yanagi now walks with a permanent limp, his voice is forever changed, and his speech pattern is slightly slurred. Despite this, Yanagi continues to act and sing."

(from wikipedia)

For me, not enough ! I want to know more about him ! Therefore, I went to youtube and search for his videos. I watched some videos based on this story after he had an accident. Oh no... I almost cry ! He is cute and handsome, but due to the accident.... I seriously wanted to cry but I didnt because I just cant cry in front of my family members. It hurts me enough. T.T

I know, its too late for me to notice this news. He is 25 years old now, going to be 26 years old this year. And im seriously glad that he is doing well. I know that, Yanagi Kotaro will never read this, but "I seriously hope that you will do well in future no matter what happens. Yes, you might say that I dont understand the feeling being a situation like you, but I want you to know that, there are a lot of fans still cheering for you, including me ! Ganbatte ne~~~"

;-)

19th of March

Ah well, there is nothing much happen recently. My daily life is like a machine, doing the same things as always. Though its quite bored, but I prefer it like this. ^^'' Well, im a bored girl anyway, should i call myself as otaku ? haha...

Recently, I just finished watching a japanese drama, 'Sunao ni Narenakute'. Hmmm... For me, its quite a nice drama, but some incidents do not make sense though. ^^'' This drama talks about the blossoming friendship of five young people who were brought together by Twitter, and their journey to finding honesty with each other and with themselves.

At first, I think it does not make sense because to have five young people, from strangers to become best friends through Twitter its impossible. But somehow, through the drama, I found that, some things are true in real life. Hmmm... Will I have friends like them ? Who really trust each other ? Who will share things together no matter whether it is happiness or sadness ?

Anyway, try to watch it. Its a fine drama. ;-) And now, im watching a very very cute and funny drama, Moyashimon. Its about a college student who can see and communicate with the germs or bacterias all around him. I enjoy it very much because of those cute germs... XD

Fall for him ? Questionable

Looks like I got dumbed before I get the chance to confess ? hahaha... Who knows... But, the truth is, whether im in love with him or not, i, myself also not sure. haha... seriously, I dont know, my feeling towards him is full of ???. haha...

First of all, whether im in love with him is questionable. I dont know my like towards him is really like him or like him as a friend. However, he got a girlfriend already. But still, he is kind to everyone, not only me you know, EVERYONE, but except few because he does not like them. ^^" He does not look very handsome or what, just an ordinary guy. But just dont know why I fall for him ? hahaha.... Questionable.

This is the first time we chatted for so long. Normally, our conversation will take only 10 minutes then finish. Today, is a little bit special. And he shared something secret with me, but im not sure whether his girlfriend knows or not. ( NO, I cant be the third person ! ) I cant tell the content is about what because... its a secret ! Even if I confess to him, he will just hate it ( because he told me before ) since he got his girlfriend now.

Both of them quite match together, for me. His girlfriend quite independent, to him as well. As for me ? Im so clumsy, blur and cant independent and so on, cant match with him one. He will feel irritated if im with him, seriously. Sigh... This is the big difference between us. Im glad we still can at least be friends. I dont dare to tell him that I like him. Seriously, did I say like him ? I said im confused about this feeling right ? Hmmm.... Why I keep on saying I like him ? hahaha... Questionable.

Specially For You, My 'Used to' Trusted Friend

To one of my friends,

You know what, im getting tired to be with you. You used to be my trusted friend. I met you during xxx. We used to have fun together, I was happy when you were beside me. However, recently, I feel that, even though you were just right beside me yet I felt unsafe, the feeling of left behind. I feel that, one day, you will leave me, even forget or dont care about me anymore.

What you and others talked about, I was ?.? full of question marks. I know, this is your problem with them which I should not know about it. I respect you, thats why I didnt ask. But then, did you care about my feelings ? I was sitting there silently, just listening what you guys talked about even though I dont understand at all.

Plus, I feel that you dont trust me at all, you dont rely on me, like one-sided. You told me that you got problem which wanted to share with me, but then when I asked you the next time we met, you refused to tell. Okay, maybe you got your reason why, therefore I didnt ask again. But then, it happened every time. It makes me feel lose hope on you seriously, thats why I didnt ask you anymore. I will just pretend you didnt tell me at all. But somehow, it makes me sad though, you refused to share with me.

However, it seems like I can put it an end to this friendship which makes me feel tired. Now, whenever I go out with you, it seems like I dont really feel sad about it anymore, just like normal friends going out together. Dont blame me, because you are the one who made me lost trust in you. And thanks for everything you have done for me.

*I know she cant read it but still, I cant hold it anymore. Therefore I typed it here.*