The Pain

Life is full of obstacles, but we need them in our life. So that we will grow up, be mature, be strong and so on. Human being are so damn obvious, also can say that they are cruel and terrible creatures. Why I said so ? Because I experienced, or I should say im experiencing it...

I wrote before, I used to be very happy about my life, liked to joke around, talked crap, laughed like crazy, I really enjoyed it. But now, I feel my life is suck, damn suck. I feel miserable, I dont know what should I do. Inside of my heart, is full of darkness. There is no light inside, totally in dark.

Even though how hard I tried, it still the same. I tried to mix with them, joined them, but at the end, I felt that I have been isolated. Whenever I talked, no one will replied until I said it again. They will talk to me when they need me, or they want to use me, they will ask me. Besides that, they are like wearing a mask, they will talk to you even though they dont like you. They say 'love you' or 'miss you' with their mouths to you, but inside their hearts, they are cursing you. Thats why I said, human being are cruel and terrible creatures.

They say 'love you, miss you', and so on easily to others. I know, girls are like that. But did they ever think about it ? We actually cant simply use those kind of 'words', because those 'words' are meaningful and important. For an example, she was my closest friend, named O. We used to say those kind of 'words'. We also... Ahh... Im lazy to talk about it...

What my moral lecturer said is right, we have to choose the right friends, not to choose the wrong friends. But where to search for the 'right friends' ? The 'right friends' are distinguishing in this world, becoming lesser and lesser... If you want to have a friendship just like, 'Tomoyo and Sakura' in Cardcaptor Sakura, sorry, its hard to find nowadays.

I feel tired, damn tired and suffer. I just want to leave that place, full of sadness, no happiness. Now I understand why they want to commit suicide, I thought before because its hard for someone that is very noisy suddenly become a quiet person and lonely... But I cant do that...

Seriously, I need someone that understand my feeling to chat with me. Or should I just search for a doctor ? I feel that its meaningless for me to stay in this world... Im seriously, really really in pain... My heart is going to burst...