Fall for him ? Questionable

Looks like I got dumbed before I get the chance to confess ? hahaha... Who knows... But, the truth is, whether im in love with him or not, i, myself also not sure. haha... seriously, I dont know, my feeling towards him is full of ???. haha...

First of all, whether im in love with him is questionable. I dont know my like towards him is really like him or like him as a friend. However, he got a girlfriend already. But still, he is kind to everyone, not only me you know, EVERYONE, but except few because he does not like them. ^^" He does not look very handsome or what, just an ordinary guy. But just dont know why I fall for him ? hahaha.... Questionable.

This is the first time we chatted for so long. Normally, our conversation will take only 10 minutes then finish. Today, is a little bit special. And he shared something secret with me, but im not sure whether his girlfriend knows or not. ( NO, I cant be the third person ! ) I cant tell the content is about what because... its a secret ! Even if I confess to him, he will just hate it ( because he told me before ) since he got his girlfriend now.

Both of them quite match together, for me. His girlfriend quite independent, to him as well. As for me ? Im so clumsy, blur and cant independent and so on, cant match with him one. He will feel irritated if im with him, seriously. Sigh... This is the big difference between us. Im glad we still can at least be friends. I dont dare to tell him that I like him. Seriously, did I say like him ? I said im confused about this feeling right ? Hmmm.... Why I keep on saying I like him ? hahaha... Questionable.

Specially For You, My 'Used to' Trusted Friend

To one of my friends,

You know what, im getting tired to be with you. You used to be my trusted friend. I met you during xxx. We used to have fun together, I was happy when you were beside me. However, recently, I feel that, even though you were just right beside me yet I felt unsafe, the feeling of left behind. I feel that, one day, you will leave me, even forget or dont care about me anymore.

What you and others talked about, I was ?.? full of question marks. I know, this is your problem with them which I should not know about it. I respect you, thats why I didnt ask. But then, did you care about my feelings ? I was sitting there silently, just listening what you guys talked about even though I dont understand at all.

Plus, I feel that you dont trust me at all, you dont rely on me, like one-sided. You told me that you got problem which wanted to share with me, but then when I asked you the next time we met, you refused to tell. Okay, maybe you got your reason why, therefore I didnt ask again. But then, it happened every time. It makes me feel lose hope on you seriously, thats why I didnt ask you anymore. I will just pretend you didnt tell me at all. But somehow, it makes me sad though, you refused to share with me.

However, it seems like I can put it an end to this friendship which makes me feel tired. Now, whenever I go out with you, it seems like I dont really feel sad about it anymore, just like normal friends going out together. Dont blame me, because you are the one who made me lost trust in you. And thanks for everything you have done for me.

*I know she cant read it but still, I cant hold it anymore. Therefore I typed it here.*