Usually, I used to talk jokes with my friends. Or sometimes talked nonsense things. What a happy moment. But I just found out that, the other side of me came out. Im too scare to talk with others recently.... Whenever my friends asked or talked with me, I will just answered what they asked and talked. Because of this, my friends slowly not to talk or chat with me anymore.
Actually, Im scare to be alone too. I just feel that, the people around me, dont really like to talk with me. Even though I just sat beside them, they will only chat with their own gang. Its just like dont want me to join their gang. And, even I act like want to gossip a bit, they just say 'nothing la, its just a crap' or some other replies, then change another topic that I dont know. Or sometimes, they just ignore me too.
Because of that, Im too scare to come back to university. I dont want to watch any drama from them. Normally, people like to watch drama. But this kind of drama will hurts people a lot sometimes. I rather stay at home and become an otaku than came to university to watch this kind of hurting drama. I used to like university life, because I met lots of new friends. But who knows...
Its a new semester now. I hoped I can be different class with them, start to know new friends. Who knows, I remain the same with them. Oh my god... This is so suffer !!! There is a friend of mine called XY, we used to study together and had dinner or supper together. Sometimes, we even shared our sadness together. But now, because she is not staying in hostel and we are in different class now, I have to do everything alone. Eat dinner alone, study alone and so on.
Maybe you will think that Im a coward, selfish and childish thinking. Yes, I admit Im a coward, selfish and childish thinking, but who will like to be alone ? Of course everyone hope to have some close friends together. I really hope that I can forget every single things, its just like memory lost. I really hope that, but I cant do that. What I can say is, once people know me, they start to avoid me. And I should say that Im too sensitive because Im scare to be alone. No one will understand my feeling and what I have been gone through, I think...
